


(Please don't) love me/leave me

by Everydayishark



Series: Monsta X bingo 2 [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst with a Happy Ending, Forbidden Love, Hyunwoo is awful, I AM SORRY, LOOK IT ENDS HAPPY OKAY, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Office Sex, POV First Person, Sex, Unrequited Love, cold detached Hyunwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 16:46:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9771062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everydayishark/pseuds/Everydayishark
Summary: Minhyuk wanted what he couldn't have.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hyungwons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyungwons/gifts).



Your hands were on my throat. You were rough, and you didn’t care. You pushed me up against the wall, the concrete cold and hard against my body. (This wasn’t what I wanted, this wasn’t what I needed--)

I felt the tears sting in my eyes as you thrust inside of me. I could be eating a sandwich with my co-workers now, instead I was stashed away in the supply closet, like a god damn tool, being fucked by my boss. (I suppose I was a tool, letting myself be used like that)

Why was I so taken with you? I wasn't your husband or your ex or even your lover. I was nothing. A quick fuck during lunch break. A hand job between important meetings. A sloppy blowjob in the bathroom stall. I was just that, and nothing more.

 

I wanted to be more. I wanted to be the person you woke up next to. I wanted you to hold me in your strong arms. I wanted you to love me--

But it would never happen. It could never happen. Not only were you my boss, you were married with kids. (Besides, it wasn’t like you cared about me anyway.)

It made me feel sick. I never wanted to be the Other. I didn't want to be the kind of person who would have affairs with married men. I didn't want to be the kind of person to have an affair with their boss.

I should never have responded to your flirting. I should never have let you turn me into this.... this.... thing. (Desperate. Needy. Pathetic.) You weren't even subtle in your advances. (I couldn't help it, I couldn't help being attracted to you.)

 

Maybe it would've been better if you at least felt remorseful. Maybe it would've been better if you at least felt ashamed. (Towards your wife. Towards your kids. Towards _me_.)

(Maybe I was just making excuses to justify this. Maybe I was just trying to silence my guilty conscience.)

My friends warned me not to get into this mess. An affair with your boss could never end well. But you were so sweet at first. Always the perfect gentleman. You would smile at me and I would melt. You would compliment my outfit, and softly stroke my hair when no one was watching. My friends warned me not to get attached. (But like a fool, I fell for you.)

 

You changed after you got what you wanted. You became more demanding. All the subtlety was gone. (There were no more sweet words, no more lingering looks or touches)

I should have told you no. (It was not what I wanted, it was not what I needed--)

I should not have let you dominate me. (I should not have let you bend me over your desk--)

I should not have let you make me beg for release. (as I whimpered, whispered your name over and over)

I should not have liked it.

I should not have wanted it.

 

_Lee Minhyuk. Report to my office at once._

I should have just ignored it. I should have just done my work.

Instead, I stood up and walked to your office.

 

Why was I so weak? Why was I so willing? I cursed myself. (Why couldn't I just have fallen for some nice, single guy? Some nice, single guy, that wasn't my superior, or married, or an asshole, or Son-fucking-Hyunwoo in general.)

My dick twitched in anticipation as I fumbled with the doorknob. I knew you were waiting. Your blinds were closed. The room was dark. You turned your chair around. Your pants were kicked to the side, your dick hard already, curved up against your stomach.

Wordlessly, I crossed the distance to the desk. You pulled me close by my tie, kissing me hard on the mouth. You were hungry, yearning, as was evident by your hands that hurriedly zipped down my pants. " _Hnnng, Hyunwoo._." I breathed in between sloppy kisses.

" _Shut up_." You hissed, palming me through my boxers. You were always so impatient. You always wanted to go hard and fast. (You never once asked what I wanted, but I had always assumed you didn't care anyway.)

You turned me around, pushed my face down on the desk. You slid down my boxers. I could feel your dick press up against me already. You kneaded my ass, spanked it hard a few times so the flesh was tender and sensitive. You grinded your hips, rubbed your dick against me. My flesh stung as you took the bottle of lube from your desk drawer.

I could feel your cold, slick fingers press into me (It hurt, but I didn't tell you to stop, didn't want you to stop). You pushed through the pain, scissored me open until you deemed me ready. You thrusted inside, unannounced, making me gasp. My fingers scrambled the desk for something to hold on to, to no avail.

 

_(As it was all, in the end, to no avail.)_

 

I knew I shouldn't like the way you filled me up.

I knew I shouldn't like the way you held my hips as you crashed into me.

Every well-angled thrust, every grunt as you came into me was for you. (None of this was for me. None of the pleasure, none of the release, none of the feelings were for me.)

 

I knew there were rumors going around the office about our affair. It was probably only a matter of time before these whispers reached corporate, or worse, your wife.

It was probably only a matter of time before you would break it off. You weren't going to risk your career, or your marriage for me.

I knew you would blame it on me, when they found out. I knew you would say I seduced you. Threatened you. Blackmailed you. None of it was true.

I just wanted to love you.

I just wanted to hold you.

 

What a fool I had been.

Blinded by empty words and promises.

Blinded by a pretty face and mindless desires.

 

They fired me. Of course they did. It was your word against mine.

I never wanted to feel that kind of shame again, as I walked down the hallway. The judging stares, the disapproval, the disgust.

 

_It was all my fault._

_It was all my fault._

_It was all my fault._

 

I almost started to believe it.

You stood there at the end, arms crossed, face blank.

It broke my heart. How it all meant nothing to you. My job, my life, my feelings. You just threw me away.

 

It took me months to get over you. It wasn't that hard to get over the job, really, it had just been a job, but you.... you were you. I never expected to find happiness again. Not after that. The shame, the guilt had wrecked me. I never expected someone could love me, _truly,_ love me. (Without being ashamed of me, without trying to hide me)

But then there was Hyungwon. Hyungwon was sweet, and nice, and kind. Hyungwon was gentle and patient. Hyungwon was there for me when my whole world fell away. Hyungwon consoled me and put up with me until I got back on my feet.

And Hyungwon loved me. Truly, loved me.

 

I saw you once more, after all of that. Apparently your marriage had failed, after all. It must have been hard on you. You seemed miserable.

I should not be happy.

I should not have liked it as much as I did.

 

_(let's just call it karma)_

 

I smiled and hooked my arm through Hyungwon’s.

I had wasted enough tears on you.

 

_(and karma was a bitch)_

**Author's Note:**

> LOOK. I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS ATROCITY. (I AM SORRY HYUNWOO omg my sweetcakes you don't deserve this)
> 
> So me and Hyungwons were talking about what we hated writing the most (which was in first person POV and past tense) so naturally that turned into a challenge because.... of course??
> 
> tldr; I blame Hyungwons for this.
> 
> also using this for the [Forbidden Love] square of the MXbingo.


End file.
